What Is ADHD Masking and Why Do We Do It?
If you’re living with ADHD and you’ve attempted to control or hide your symptoms — sometimes working so hard you become exhausted or burnt out — know that you’re not alone. People with ADHD sometimes take painstaking efforts to conceal their ADHD traits to avoid shame, stigma, or social rejection.
Masking can be conscious or unconscious. Sometimes people don’t even know they’ve been masking for years to cope with their diagnosed or undiagnosed ADHD.
If an individual is engaging in ADHD masking, they might avoid situations that exacerbate their ADHD traits or make them harder to conceal. They might try to hide their ADHD altogether to avoid judgment from others. And they might deny the true impact ADHD has on their life — feeling uncomfortable confiding in others that they’re having tremendous difficulty coping with ADHD.
Masking is not exclusive to ADHD — it’s a common coping mechanism for neurodivergent people, including Autistic folks. Masking, also known as camouflaging, is when neurodivergent people pass as neurotypical by hiding parts of themselves in order to fit in with dominant social norms. In the book, Unmasking Autism: Discovering the New Faces of Neurodiversity, author and social psychologist Devon Price honors the spectrum of the Autistic experience and offers guidance on how to safely unmask.
Why Do I Engage in ADHD Masking?
Perhaps you fear rejection or stigmatization. You just want to fit in with your peers. You don’t want to be singled out in class, at work, or in social settings as someone with an impulsivity, attention, or forgetfulness “problem.” You’re ashamed that “simple” tasks like keeping a space tidy or remembering appointments feel particularly difficult for you.
So you learn to camouflage your ADHD by mimicking the behaviors of those around you. You start to “fake it” and work hard to blend in so your ADHD traits are concealed from the public eye.
You learn to press your leg down with your hand to keep it from jiggling.
You learn to obsessively check your purse for your wallet, keys, and phone so you don’t forget anything when you leave the house.
You learn to copy what other people are doing — like pretending to take notes in a meeting — to appear more productive or professional.
But ADHD masking is exhausting. And it’s not only taking a toll on your mental health — it’s robbing you of the opportunity to embrace your uniqueness and be authentically you.
Consequences of ADHD Masking
If you’re expending time and energy on trying to “act normal,” you’re likely engaging in ADHD masking. You can mask intentionally or unintentionally. Some individuals who mask don’t even know they have ADHD! But most people who mask do it to survive in a world that’s designed around neurotypical brains.
Masking individuals have learned to suppress behaviors that get them into trouble, make them seem “different” or otherwise stress their connections with others.
Even though it may initially seem like a harmless coping mechanism, there are consequences associated with ADHD masking.
Delayed Diagnosis
ADHD masking can delay diagnosis, especially in girls who go undiagnosed much more often than boys. Girls and women may suffer for years before knowing that what they’re going through is ADHD-related.
The Berkeley Girls Longitudinal Study found that girls with ADHD are easily overlooked. Girls tend to have inattentive symptoms and internalizing behaviors such as depression and anxiety, while boys tend to show hyperactive-impulse symptoms.
A delay in diagnosis can also delay the journey toward self-understanding, self-acceptance and self-compassion.
Comorbid Disorders
Some adults spend decades feeling there is something wrong with them, only to realize they had been trying to fit their neurodiverse brain into a neurotypical box for decades. ADHD masking individuals may develop anxiety, depression, and low self-esteem as they internalize the idea that they’re somehow flawed or less capable than others.
Burnout
It takes a lot of energy to engage in ADHD masking. If you’re regularly working extra hard to hide a part of yourself, burnout is inevitable. Your mental health is likely suffering because you’re trying to fit into a neurotypical system that was not designed to serve and support neurodiversity.
Imposter Syndrome and Perfectionism
Imposter syndrome and social anxiety may creep in too, if you're worried you’ll be “found out” or proven to be a fraud.
Enjoying deserved success can feel impossible. You become focused on overcompensating for your perceived faults rather than embracing your strengths, and perfectionistic tendencies take over. When you don’t behave perfectly, you may consider yourself a failure and feel worthless and ashamed.
Alienation
If you’re effectively masking your ADHD, you may have found that your friends, family or coworkers don’t believe you when you say you are struggling and in need of support. This alienation can be harmful to your mental health and contribute to feelings of isolation and self-doubt.
Disconnected Sense of Self
It can take years to get an accurate diagnosis. Perhaps you were just diagnosed with adult ADHD, or you suspect you have ADHD and are wondering if you should take the next steps toward diagnosis.
Spending years trying to blend in may have made you feel confused about who you really are. Perhaps you’re on a journey toward finding your true self now that you’ve realized you’ve been masking, whether consciously or unconsciously.
You don’t fully know who you are without masking, yet, but you want to find out.
How Do I Know if I’m ADHD Masking?
ADHD masking is a coping strategy that involves hiding parts of yourself to fit in.
It’s a way to survive with ADHD in a society that doesn’t always embrace neurodiversity with open arms. But if you’re feeling burnt out, depressed, anxious or worthless, it may be time to consider whether you’re ADHD masking and if there are coping mechanisms out there that will better serve you so you can thrive with ADHD.
ADHD Masking Examples:
In Social Situations
Reminding yourself not to overshare or talk too much before going to a social engagement
Apologizing for talking too much
Forcing yourself to be quiet so you don’t interrupt others
Mimicking socially acceptable behaviors so you don’t face rejection from peers
Portraying calmness even when you don’t feel calm and your mind is jumping from one thing to another very quickly
Pretending you’re listening when you’re having trouble processing what people are saying because your mind is racing
Being obsessed with punctuality
Judging others for faults you perceive in yourself
Telling people you’re “fine” even though you’re struggling
Arriving much too early for appointments to avoid being late
At Work
Relying on guesswork to complete a task instead of asking someone to repeat themselves
Taking excessive notes so you remember to do things
Setting up extensive organization systems and procedures so you can find things when you need them
Suppressing foot tapping or other stimming behaviors to avoid being criticized, even though sitting still makes you uncomfortable
Overpromising and taking on too much responsibility to cover up your perceived flaws
Hiding overwhelm
Working extra hard to always seem in control to avoid judgment or criticism from others
Hiding that you’re having trouble focusing
Becoming annoyed or irritable when you force yourself to focus on something boring for extended periods of time
Repeatedly doing something until it’s perfect, even though you become exhausted in the process
Trying to be perfect and never make mistakes
Using perfectionism to show others you’re capable and reliable and to hide that you’re struggling
At Home
Feeling ashamed and guilty that you struggle to do things “normal” people seem to have no problem doing (like cleaning, feeding yourself, etc.)
Avoiding situations that would reveal a struggle you have with ADHD, like not inviting people over because you think your house is messy
Checking and rechecking that you have your keys or other belongings to be sure you didn’t lose them
Keeping intense emotions to yourself
What Can I Do Instead of ADHD Masking?
It will take time to overcome ADHD masking behaviors that are taking a negative toll on your mental health and your life. But seeking therapy for adult ADHD is a great place to start. Therapy can help you address negative self-talk, low-self-esteem, and feelings of shame and worthlessness so you can learn to thrive with your ADHD.
At California Integrative Counseling Center, we specialize in adult ADHD treatment online in California. Whether you’re in the Bay Area and want to visit our San Francisco location, or you’re a California resident seeking adult ADHD treatment online, we’re happy to help. Please feel free to schedule a free 20-minute consultation call and we will get in contact to see if our services are a good fit for you.
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